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Who should read “The Charisma Myth”?
Remember the iconic “I Have a Dream Speech” by Martin Luther King jr? The impact he had on thousands of people?
or Zoom further in…………..
Remember the speaker who came to your school? You never wanted to attend the seminar but the moment the speaker took hold of the stage, you just couldn’t leave?
All eyes fixed, Glued, in complete AWE!
Turns out, that charismatic person could be you. It’s just a matter of understanding, practice and the right intention!
This book is for such readers who want to tap into their potential to live to influence as many people as possible towards a Greater Purpose.
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Book in 1 Sentence
Charismatic people choose certain behaviors that make others feel intelligent, impressive and fascinating!
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3 take Aways
Get into the mood before the event, have a playlist to uplift your mood- dance! – the energy will radiate from your body naturally.
Anytime your breathing is shallow, you activate the stress response. It’s hard to feel calm, relaxed, and confident when you’re not getting enough oxygen and your body thinks it’s in fight-or-flight mode.
Aim to get comfortable with discomfort.
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My Top 3 quotes
What your mind believes, your body manifests.
Guru Alan Weiss says: logic makes people think. Emotion makes people act! Charismatic people are highly contagious, have strong ability to transmit emotions.
Studies consistently show that in times of crisis, people instinctively turn to individuals who are bold, confident, and decisive. Crisis creates uncertainty, which creates angst, and people will cling to whatever they feel diminishes this angst. This is why faith, vision, and authority have such power in times of crisis.
Summary & Notes
Core elements of charismatic behavior
- Presence: Pay full attention to whom you are Talking/ listening to. Every time your attention deviates, bring it back by focusing on your environment, breath and toes. Presence is depicted by your body in micro expressions and so does disinterest and distantness.
- Power: Power is the ability to influence via strength, wealth or intelligence and people look for power cues in your appearance, body language, and tone.
- Warmth: To keep you balanced and grounded. Be grateful, have the tendency of goodwill and compassion.
Charismatic Body Language
To seem confident and assertive, assume the role of a military general:
- wide stance,
- puff up your chest
- broaden your shoulders
- stand straight
4 types of Charisma
Choose the right charisma style based on your personality, goal and situation.
Focus charisma: presence & Confidence
- Based on presence.
- Makes people feel heard & understood.
- How to use: Project attention focus and presence
- When to use: All business meetings. when you want people to open up & share information, to negotiate.
- People who exhibit this type of charisma Gandhi and Bill gates.
Visionary Charisma: Belief & Confidence
- Based on: Belief
- Makes people feel: Inspired & Certain.
- How to use: Project absolute conviction in a noble cause, faith or vision.
- When to use: To inspire people.
- Example people: Steve Jobs, Martin Luther king jr
One recent attendee to a Steve Jobs presentation told me: “He spoke with such conviction, such
passion, he had all of our neurons screaming, Yes! I get it! I’m with you!!!”
Kindness charisma: Warmth & Confidence
- Based on: Caring
- Makes people feel: Embraced, Accepted, Cherished
- How to use: Project warmth, care, acceptance.
- When to use: To create an emotional bond, make people safe and comfortable.
- Example people: Dalai Lama, Mother Teresa
- Avoid when: To appear authoritative or at risk that people might share too much.
Authority Charisma: Status & Confidence
- Based on: Confidence
- Makes people feel: Impressed, intimidated, cowed
- How to use: Project High status & High confidence in your ability to impact or influence others.
- When to use: when you want people to listen & obey: business settings.
- Example people: Winston Churchill
Your main aim if you want to gain authority charisma is to project power by displaying signs of status and confidence. Luckily, the two most important dimensions of status and confidence are also the ones over which you have the most influence: body language and appearance.
Tip 1: Set the right mindset
It might seem cliché, but whatever your mind believes, your body depicts unconsciously. When our thoughts spiral into self-criticism, comparison, anxiety, or doubt, our body’s stress system awakens, unleashing cortisol and triggering the fight-or-flight response. Survival takes precedence, sidelining logic and reason. Body reserves energy by shutting down all other processes including logic and reasoning. Henceforth the foremost thing to do is to prevent this from happening.
- Take deep breaths
- Shift Responsibility to God. Even the worst case scenario is survivable.
- Reframe reality by consistently associating positive assumptions with unfavorable circumstances or negative responses from individuals. Doing so will help maintain a sense of calm within your system.
Tip 2: Visualize
Just before giving a presentation:
- Arrive at the venue early, roam around the stage & get comfortable.
- Start visualizing on the stage with Uplifting music. Create mental movies : how the speech is going, people smiling, seeing audiences’ authentic responses.
- Just before the talk, hide in a quite empty room, run through visualization and dance on your favorite song to get the ENERGY MODE on!
Before important meeting:
- Visualize smiles illuminating the faces of those involved as you navigate from the initial stages to the concluding handshake of the deal. Envision every client visibly impressed by your contributions, acknowledging the substantial value you bring to the table. Envision this event unfolding with vivid detail, exactly as you desire it to transpire.
Anytime u are anxious:
- Your body needs oxytocin (Love hormone) at the time of any distress. A study found that a 20 sec hug is enough for that and even imagining a hug with your loved ones releases that in the body!
Tip 3: Gratitude, Goodwill & Compassion
The moment you are grateful to yourself, your life – your body language softens, tension evaporates and heart rate normalizes which in turn will radiate warmth.
The second step is to think Good of people. The mindset of goodwill creates the body language of warmth, kindness, care and compassion which raises the charisma quotient.
Compassion equals empathy combined with goodwill. It involves comprehending a person, their actions, and behavior, and, despite any challenges or disagreements, choosing to think and act in their best interests. Prior to extending compassion to others, it’s essential to cultivate it within yourself. When you make a mistake or experience a blunder, rather than berating yourself, practice self-forgiveness and embrace self-compassion.
Tip 4: Present with Charisma
- The more you let people talk, the more they like you.
- Once they have spoken, let your face show you have absorbed, never interrupt, pause 2 seconds before responding.
- Get graphic. choose to speak in pictures and metaphors.
For your stories to be most effective, choose characters that are similar to the people in your audience to make them more relatable and make them as entertaining (and short!) as a Hollywood sneak preview. When you’re delivering a presentation, you’re in the entertainment business, whether you know it or not. So make the story dramatic. You’re calling on visionary charisma here; and as with all forms of charisma, you’re tapping into people’s emotional side.
- Avoid white elephants- when you say don’t panic, don’t worry. Brain registers worry and panic, hence avoid such phrases.
- Tune your voice- pitch (high or low), Volume (loud or quiet), Tone (Resonant or hollow), Tempo (Fast or slow) or Rhythm (fluid or staccato).
- The lower more resonant, and more baritone your voice, the more impact it will have.
- A slow measures tempo with frequent pauses conveys confidence.
- Get comfortable with silence. use dramatic pauses when speaking.
- Lower voice intonation at the end of your sentence.
- Reduce how quickly and often u nod.
- Keep ur vocabulary, choice of words and topic from the domain your audience is from. Pay attention to what words and demeaner the other person uses and follow up the cue!
- CONSCIOUS MIRRORING- mimic body language of others. This builds rapport and trust and it often brings others to match your point of view.
- High-status, high-confidence body language is characterized by how few movements are made. Composed people exhibit a level of stillness, which is sometimes described as poise. They avoid extraneous, superfluous gestures such as fidgeting with their clothes, their hair, or their faces, incessantly nodding their heads, or saying “um” before sentences.
Steve Jobs, who appeared so masterful on stage, was known to rehearse important presentations relentlessly. Just as a duck appears to be sailing smoothly on the surface of a lake while powerfully paddling below the waterline, it takes a whole lot of effort for a presentation to appear effortless. When a speech is important I practice until every breath is perfect, because knowing I’ve got the speech so well mastered allows me to be spontaneous. I know that I have muscle memory to fall back on.
- To make your audience feel particularly special, speak as if you were sharing a secret.
- Have the confidence to make your listeners wait for your words. It’s called a dramatic pause for a reason: it adds drama.
- The single most important guideline for a successful speech is simple: make it about them, not about you.
Handling difficult people
Divide & conquer: in general, when you have a group of difficult people to convince, you’ll have much success when you tend to them individually with particular charisma style based on your goal and situation.
Benjamin Franklin’s favorite way to win over his political opponents was not to do them favors but rather to ask them for favors.
Dale Carnegie writes: “We all crave honest appreciation. It’s a gnawing and unfaltering human hunger; and the rare individual who satisfies it will hold people in the palm of his hand.” The most effective and credible compliments are those that are both personal and specific.
Giving people a sense of ownership for your success is a great way to prevent resentment and engender good feelings, such as pride and loyalty, instead.
Conclusion
Marshall Goldsmith told me that he sees charisma as an asset like any other, just like intelligence: “If you’re going in the right direction, you’ll get there faster. In the wrong direction, charisma will also help you get there faster. It’s an asset, not an insurance policy. Do many charismatic leaders fail? Of course they do. Just like many very intelligent leaders. That doesn’t mean that either charisma or intelligence is wrong.”
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Further Recommendations
- “Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion” by Robert B. Cialdini: Explores the psychology behind why people say “yes” and the principles of persuasion.
- “Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges” by Amy Cuddy: Focuses on body language, confidence, and presence in various social situations.
- “The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over” by Jack Schafer and Marvin Karlins: Offers insights into building rapport, trust, and influencing others based on real-life experiences.
- “Talk Like TED: The 9 Public-Speaking Secrets of the World’s Top Minds” by Carmine Gallo: Explores the art of public speaking and how to communicate with impact and charisma.
